Jealousy. Envy. That ugly green monster. (Why is it always described as green?)

Dear Sista Friend,

True Life – I get jealous. It isn’t a loud, hateful insecurity that causes rude behavior or meanness, though this behavior definitely did occur at one point in my life. Now (I cannot believe I am admitting this!), I quietly covet lives that aren’t mine and hold on to subtle resentment like a pillow. (Ouch! That was hard to write) 

I’m in a period of life where I am working hard to see my goals come to life. I’m in a no excuses, “girl just get it done,” you can cry tomorrow phase. I’m afraid of looking back over this period and realizing that I didn’t do everything humanly (and prayerfully) possible to achieve my goals.  I am a mentoring, volunteering, working 60 hours a week, completing my 5 workouts a week, meditating “supervision of success” (or so I tell myself). 

I decided to put certain parts of my life on hold because I am working so intently towards my goals. I decided to press pause on a couple of personal things to focus and zone in. And that’s ok! Those were my decisions. The problem is…I felt so much jealousy toward the people around me that don’t have to (or want to) make those same decisions. That is – until I had a realization, a light bulb moment!

Envy has to do with feeling unhappy about the success or possessions of someone else – lifestyle, body, relationship status, salary, friendships – and often the subsequent comparison that happens when we compare ourselves to that “ideal” person. It is a lack of gratitude metastasized by insecurity.  It is the IDEALIZATION of others that boils the pot of comparison. A major key that I’ve realized – no one is perfect. 

Perfection does not exist. Repeat: There is no such thing as perfection. It took for me to square up with my realities and meet my true self to underscore this realization. There is no such thing as a perfect life and no, everyone doesn’t work a 40 hour week with a 10am start time and have drinks everyday afterwards. No one has the perfect relationship. We look at the great success of others, their Instagram feeds filled with beautiful pictures and Twitter feeds full of witty responses, and create fairytales and fables about how perfect their lives are. 

I have a secret – actually it’s a really big truth that bopped me upside the head – no one lives the life you’ve created for them in your head. I’ve learned that people we are jealous of inherently have their own flaws and may be secretly envying someone else too. People are human. And we can’t dehumanize who they are at their core because we’ve calculated that a perfect Instagram page equals a perfect life. They make mistakes too. 

Love yourself and honor your journey. Is it hard? Yes.

If you see someone you admire – ask yourself, what did they do to get there? What can I do to achieve that success? How should I go about it?
If you don’t like something, change it. It’s your life. You have all the power. (This piece is as much a reminder for me as it is for you!)
Love you!

Leave a Reply